Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
