...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
