WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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