Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
