i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
