If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
