I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
