I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
