So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
