Umm I'm too high to move.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
