oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
handjob tips. give me some.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
