I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
