As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
