I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
