I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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