Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
