i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
