Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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