just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
