New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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