Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
