I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
