Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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