i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
