dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
