"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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