just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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