whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
