you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
