i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
