i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
