so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
