i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
