The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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