I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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