in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
