You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
