she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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