I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
