Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
