There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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