he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
