Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
