and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
