Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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