dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
