I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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