Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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