At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
