I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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