other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
