he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
