I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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