I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
